Sunday, October 28, 2012

A Pre-birthday blessing... 


from my many friends...

    A wonderful facebook thread, from my many suppourters.... I love you ALL!!!



I have been considering deleting my last status post, based on a very disturbing response that I received from it....

.. but I'm not gonna.... nor am I going to "un-friend" the person that sent it (though the specific post has been deleted).... that individual remains my friend, though, I question their motivations in posting such a response.... And I hope that you can forgive that person in their mis-understanding...

I pray, that they do not know, that in several points in my life, have seriously considered the most selfish act one can do: Suicide.... And have, day by day, found reasons, and rationales to not go through with it...

I have, since I was 14 or so, dealt with a psychological disorder called Depression... I, through an amazing life-Sheppard (my Mum) was able to recognize and get treated for it early, it was a tough battle in my mid-to-late teens, and more recently, in my mid-to-late thirties....and it continues, as much as I hate to admit it, to this day....

Pharmaceuticals have helped, and I will be taking them until the day I die.... I know and accept that.. and they do help... And still, sometimes find myself find myself in very dark places, yes, sometimes with good reasons... But at other times... for no particular resaon at all....

And those who aren't going through depression... Please don't say that you understand... because you really don't.... But please just understand and accept it, dig? No harm, no foul.... just say/ask"okay; I hear you.., What can I do?", read up on it, and try and do what you can....
Also, understand.... The suicidal mind is not about "ending it all for a particular reason."... so cliché like it's "a permanant solution to a temporary problem" or "it's a selfish act" or even "it's an unforgivable sin" honestly do not factor in to the suicidal mindset....
Think or it rather as a White-hot neon sign and a deafening loudspeaker blasting the word "*PAIN*.. **PAIN**... ***PAIN!!!***" over and over again in a dark and silent room, and you'd do almost ANYTHING to make it stop.... even if those around you would tell you otherwise.... you just want it to STOP!!!

... And that... at least in my experiences, has been what it's like in my battle w/ depression....

And I find great solace in little things.. even if it's something as absurd as "My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic"...

so.... you still want me to "eat a rifle"?..... I await your response.....
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posted by sydmatt @ 10:41 PM   0 comments

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